Bad Person?

I feel as if I have spent my life in a living hell. But is that the truth? Am I the living hell? There are things I choose not to remember. Things that scare me as I move forward in life. I don't know why I've been so depressed lately. I don't know why I hate myself. I just know that I don't want to be here. I hate myself and everyone around me.

I feel utterly alone and unhappy and I don't know how to fix it. I'm tired of trying to fix it. I tried so hard before to make myself happy and I succeeded for a while, only to be shut down again. Maybe I'm just selfish. Maybe it's worse than that, maybe I'm not even selfish. Maybe I'm just not... likable. Maybe I'm "annoying," as Kareem says, maybe I'm a "bad friend." Maybe I over exaggerate everything in my life. What's the point?

I... I've completely destroyed the girl I wanted to be. Or maybe she just was never there. Maybe I'm a fake. And yet I feel stupid for even writing this - am I just feeling sorry for myself, again? Or is it TRUE guilt that puts me in this mood?

I wonder if I have been so awful to others. I really do. It is entirely possible. I'm fake.

I'm lame and I'm fake.
Steve doesn't really love me - he is merely addicted to the relationship.
I want to die.